A letter to my boys: pre-school going on kindergarten

To my dear sweet boys - today was the last day of pre-school.  The last day of Red Bears at NQACC.  To appease my anxiety, and likely not yours, you're still going to be going there for before and after school care in "Kid Camp" now (thank goodness it's "Camp" and not "Kamp" - I don't understand why people think it's kute to misspell things when it reduces SEO capability and reading comprehension).  It's been a wild 5 years ... FIVE YEARS!!!  And now you're "kids" and not necessarily "big kids" because leaving pre-school you get to drop the "big."  That's almost as weird as swapping a "K" for a "C".

Here's what the past 5 years brought - (1) squirming boys coming home from the hospital and parents (aka mommy and daddy) who weren't quite sure what to do with you.  (2) A big move from SF to Seattle for a bigger house, better schools, and new jobs.  (3) A swap from a Green Lake pre-school and a stay at home daddy to a Queen Anne pre-school, new house, and two working parents.  (4) Great friends, fun, swimming / soccer / karate / running / yoga / everything in between and many small trips around Washington. And (5) amazing new adventures in Kindergarten.

When we went to meet your teacher last week, I almost felt like an imposter - how am I old enough to have kids going into Kindergarten?  I once dreamed of being a teacher - shouldn't I be behind that desk instead of my desk at home and desk at work with laptop permanently lit?  And the funny questions - why are the doors so giant in Kindergarten?  Is it to make all of us feel small?  Are turtles and other swimming animals a normal occurrence in elementary school?  I hope we can stick with water animals and not move on to mice or something ickier.  Are you ready for this?  You don't seem scared - neither of you - so why am I? 

I'm proud of you my little men.  You're both so eager, smart, kind, funny, outgoing, and interested in the world.  You both love people and love learning.  My Cole - you are my little scientist and engineer with the capability to make lego sets for a 12 year old following each direction.  You are also my athlete with a non-stop running gate - I don't think I've seen you walk in the past year.  My Wilson - you are my independent happy boy.  You are an artist, a little love, and a free spirit flying on swings and playing on whatever slide you can find (or making a slide if you can't find one).  I hope you both stay happy, eager, kind, and interested. 

 So here are some things you may not know... I work and I'm proud of my work, but I constantly feel guilty like I'm not "mom enough."  But I work because I want to change the world for you and for me and I want to inspire you to work hard too.  I will drive on field trips someday.  I will do homework with you every day.  And I will be here for booboos, tears, fevers, laughs, new jokes, and questions (except the sex ones - go to your dad for those).  I can't be in class to read to you, but know your pictures are strewn around my office and on my phone and I make up stories in my head during especially stressful meetings to tell you at night.  Work aside, I am constantly entertained when new parents or "single-ton" parents (with 1 child) say "I don't understand how you did / do it.  I can't do it with one."  Here's my little secret - I didn't know any better, I got two, which is amazing and awesome.

To my sweet boys, I hope you continue to enjoy treasure hunts, make believe, flying on swings, amazing yourself with big lego sets, fart jokes (just not in public), and making me proud by making yourself proud.  I love you.  I will always love you.  I love that I get the profound gift of getting to love you.

Onward.